25w4d

This past weekend, we experienced the first of what I can only assume will be many panicked moments concerning Ferris. Late Saturday morning, after monitoring the cramping and pressure in my stomach, and watching the clock indicate a full 24 hours of no movement from the baby, we paged the doctor. Two hours later, having not heard back from him, we headed to the hospital to be checked out.

There was an instant as the nurse searched for the baby's heartbeat - with no result - that I began to really fear the worst. I couldn't even look at my husband at that moment, knowing that if I saw the same fear mirrored in his eyes, I would completely break down. However, she finally found the heartbeat and so we sat for about 45 minutes, with me hooked up to a fetal monitor to track what was going on. Lo and behold, Ferris began squirming within about 2 minutes of the monitor being activated. Figures, right? We determined that we have a very dramatic smartass for a child, no doubt the sum of its parts.

After I spoke to my doctor and we were given permission to go home, the reality of the situation hit me and I shakily whispered "I am so not ready for this." I've been counting weeks and I've felt pretty comfortable with the fact that we have time...time to get ready, physically and mentally. Time to spend together before we add a member to our family. Time to enjoy sleeping late, coming and going as we please, and counting animals as our sole responsibility. Saturday showed me that while we certainly may get that full window of time, we also may not. Ferris may decide to make an early appearance, and as much as I wish we could predict it, there's no one to make an appointment with - no guarantees and no certainties about exactly when we'll become parents.