24w4d

I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow, and it's shocking to me that my fear of stepping on the scale has turned me into such a jittery nervous mess. It does dawn on me that this is partially due to my own issues with weight gain, no matter how justified it may be. However, I felt judged and chastised at my last visit, when my doctor questioned my eating habits and told me to lay off the sugar. The thought of repeating that conversation and feeling the slow burn in my cheeks as I hear someone tell me that my weight gain is bordering on dangerous makes me extraordinarily uncomfortable. No, I don't want to overdo it. No, I don't want to have issues losing the weight after the baby is born. I don't want gestational diabetes and I don't want to give birth to a 27 lb. baby as a result of my inability to back away from the Girl Scout Cookies. But. I also don't want to spend my pregnancy counting calories and worrying about everything that passes my lips. I don't want to spend more time focusing on the size of my ass than the size of the tiny fingers and toes I'll soon be kissing.

On another note, I've decided to address some of the frequently asked questions around these parts. If the above paragraph did nothing to indicate the level of snarkiness I'm feeling today, let me preface this by saying I'm not trying to be nasty. Ok. You've been warned...read at your own risk.

Q: What will you do about the dogs? Are you worried about how they'll react to the baby?
A: I must begin by explaining a little bit about our dogs. In essence, they are crazy. They are wild, they are hyper, they have limitless amounts of energy. They don't like cats (especially the one they share a roof with) or strangers. One of them hates to have his paws touched, the other likes to heave his 70 pound body into laps (even pregnant ones) for cuddle time. When we feed them, they behave as though they've gone weeks without a morsel of food. They run up and down our hallway, chasing each other and barking maniacally. They are quirky and stubborn, but lovable and full of a certain charm all their own. That being said, no one in my family thinks they are "good". I always feel compelled to defend them, but deep down I do have concerns about what will happen when a new member of our family threatens to take attention away from them....especially a member that will cry, make strange noises, flail and wiggle unexpectedly, smell funny, etc. So, yes. Yes. I am worried about how they'll react to the baby and how the baby will react to them. That is easily one of the biggest anxiety triggers I have about bringing this baby into our home. And yet...no. No. They will be fine. We will figure it out. I will not get rid of these dogs without first giving them every opportunity to experience this change we're bringing upon them. Sure, in the presence of a threat of physical harm, I'd be changing my tune damn fast, but until then...the dogs stay.

Q: You aren't finding out what you're having? Doesn't that drive you crazy? Don't you want to know? How do I know what to buy you if I don't know what you're having?
A: Our baby, our decision. If we wanted to know, we'd find out. At the risk of sounding bitchy, I'll put it this way: We registered. At two places. If there is nothing you can find there that suits your tastes, either wait until the baby is born or go with the ever-useful gift card and call it a day. I won't budge on my decision to find out our baby's sex based solely on your desire to know if you should get pink or blue socks.

Q: Are you going back to work after the baby is born?
A: To quote my friend Magic 8 Ball, "ask again later".

Q: Have you thought about names? If so, what are they?
A: This question is one I'm always willing to answer, even though I'm rapidly tiring of the looks I receive in response. It amazes me that people are so quick to provide their opinion on something so unrelated to them. However, we have thought about names. They are subject to change, but as of right now we've settled on Merrill Elizabeth for a girl, William (Will) for a boy - and we haven't figured out a middle name for Will yet.

(Note: If you are reading this, and you've asked me any of the above questions, please don't be offended by my answers. It's sheer repetition that has turned me into such a cranky person.)