25w1d

Today I read about a woman that didn't find out she was pregnant until she was 6 months along. My instantaneous reaction to this is "Whaaaaaaaaaat????" - since I can't imagine having lived the past six months without knowing what was causing the changes I've experienced. On the other hand, I think this woman must have had the best and easiest pregnancy ever, to have survived the first trimester hell and myriad of pregnancy related symptoms.

I hate to judge this person's inability to be aware of such a monumentous thing, but I truly cannot comprehend it. At this stage in the game, I have endured things that I simply could not attribute to anything else - the lack of balance and coordination, the extreme fatigue at all hours of the day, a baby that kicks energetically, and most certainly a change in my figure. I'm enthralled by the notion that someone could experience a full 6 months of pregancy and not know it. I would feel so robbed, so jilted, as though someone had stolen such a precious thing from me - and yet to spend those months without the fear and anxiety of something going wrong, without the morning sickness, headaches, backaches, and more - I feel a special sort of envy for anyone who could pass through those phases virtually unfazed.

We're only two weeks away from entering the third trimester, and it's hard for me to believe that time has passed so quickly - and yet it feels like I've been pregnant for ages. Ferris is a very busy baby this week - the structure of the spine is forming, taste buds are developing, blood vessels of the lungs are multiplying, and those little tiny nostrils are opening up. Additionally, the hands are fully developed, complete with fingerprints - and Ferris has hair on that tiny head, eyelashes and eyebrows. My uterus is the size of a soccer ball, which seems appropriate as Ferris appears to be treating me like a soccer field- jumping, twisting, and kicking all over the place.

The weather has been getting a bit warmer, and it's making me crave the sunny warm days and cooler nights of spring. For the past few years, spring and early summer has been celebrated by afternoon cocktails on the patios of our neighborhood restaurants, lazy boat rides, rounds of cornhole on our back patio along with music and wine, and tending to a hot grill while sipping a cold beer. The warmer weather recently makes me yearn for those days, and I must admit I cannot wait for Ferris to be born so I can kick back with a glass of wine. My husband and I joked the other day that with my lowered tolerance for alcohol, we'll need to sell tickets to my first post-baby encounter with drinking. This weekend, we'll be moving the clocks for daylight savings, and I'm so excited that I'll get to see my husband come home while the sun is still out.

24w5d

My doctor's visit is over, and with it the anxiety that kept me up all night last night. I lost a pound, which made both me and my doctor extremely happy. The heartbeat is strong and healthy, and my measurements are right on track. I told him about the Braxton-Hicks contractions and he said I have nothing to worry about. I feel as though a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders.

Ferris is about a pound and a half, coming in at about a foot long. These size increases make me stare at my belly in wonder, trying to understand how I can have something that size inside me - especially knowing how quickly the growth will escalate. I think that I should eat a footlong sub or something, in honor of Ferris.

24w4d

I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow, and it's shocking to me that my fear of stepping on the scale has turned me into such a jittery nervous mess. It does dawn on me that this is partially due to my own issues with weight gain, no matter how justified it may be. However, I felt judged and chastised at my last visit, when my doctor questioned my eating habits and told me to lay off the sugar. The thought of repeating that conversation and feeling the slow burn in my cheeks as I hear someone tell me that my weight gain is bordering on dangerous makes me extraordinarily uncomfortable. No, I don't want to overdo it. No, I don't want to have issues losing the weight after the baby is born. I don't want gestational diabetes and I don't want to give birth to a 27 lb. baby as a result of my inability to back away from the Girl Scout Cookies. But. I also don't want to spend my pregnancy counting calories and worrying about everything that passes my lips. I don't want to spend more time focusing on the size of my ass than the size of the tiny fingers and toes I'll soon be kissing.

On another note, I've decided to address some of the frequently asked questions around these parts. If the above paragraph did nothing to indicate the level of snarkiness I'm feeling today, let me preface this by saying I'm not trying to be nasty. Ok. You've been warned...read at your own risk.

Q: What will you do about the dogs? Are you worried about how they'll react to the baby?
A: I must begin by explaining a little bit about our dogs. In essence, they are crazy. They are wild, they are hyper, they have limitless amounts of energy. They don't like cats (especially the one they share a roof with) or strangers. One of them hates to have his paws touched, the other likes to heave his 70 pound body into laps (even pregnant ones) for cuddle time. When we feed them, they behave as though they've gone weeks without a morsel of food. They run up and down our hallway, chasing each other and barking maniacally. They are quirky and stubborn, but lovable and full of a certain charm all their own. That being said, no one in my family thinks they are "good". I always feel compelled to defend them, but deep down I do have concerns about what will happen when a new member of our family threatens to take attention away from them....especially a member that will cry, make strange noises, flail and wiggle unexpectedly, smell funny, etc. So, yes. Yes. I am worried about how they'll react to the baby and how the baby will react to them. That is easily one of the biggest anxiety triggers I have about bringing this baby into our home. And yet...no. No. They will be fine. We will figure it out. I will not get rid of these dogs without first giving them every opportunity to experience this change we're bringing upon them. Sure, in the presence of a threat of physical harm, I'd be changing my tune damn fast, but until then...the dogs stay.

Q: You aren't finding out what you're having? Doesn't that drive you crazy? Don't you want to know? How do I know what to buy you if I don't know what you're having?
A: Our baby, our decision. If we wanted to know, we'd find out. At the risk of sounding bitchy, I'll put it this way: We registered. At two places. If there is nothing you can find there that suits your tastes, either wait until the baby is born or go with the ever-useful gift card and call it a day. I won't budge on my decision to find out our baby's sex based solely on your desire to know if you should get pink or blue socks.

Q: Are you going back to work after the baby is born?
A: To quote my friend Magic 8 Ball, "ask again later".

Q: Have you thought about names? If so, what are they?
A: This question is one I'm always willing to answer, even though I'm rapidly tiring of the looks I receive in response. It amazes me that people are so quick to provide their opinion on something so unrelated to them. However, we have thought about names. They are subject to change, but as of right now we've settled on Merrill Elizabeth for a girl, William (Will) for a boy - and we haven't figured out a middle name for Will yet.

(Note: If you are reading this, and you've asked me any of the above questions, please don't be offended by my answers. It's sheer repetition that has turned me into such a cranky person.)

24w

Yesterday, I experienced my first bout of Braxton-Hicks contractions, and it must be stated with firm certainty that without my friend Jessi and my sister, my anxiety levels would be excessive and unmanageable. After I established that what I was feeling did in fact sound like a contraction of sorts, we began timing their presence and gauging the level of intensity. Lying down and chugging from a giant bottle of water seemed to help, as did the arrival of my husband with a Subway sandwich and a chocolate chip cookie. Later last night, Ferris was more active than normal, and we interpreted it as an attempt to let us know that everything was cool down there.

I stumbled across the online baby boutique Two Blue Peas, and this is the first time I've really wished I knew what we're having so I could order some of the adorable clothes. As it stands, I'll probably be sitting in the hospital with my laptop and credit card as soon as Ferris makes an appearance.

The nursery is slowly but surely coming along - the only thing we lack is the crib, which we'll be getting sometime in March. I haven't yet begun to organize the few items we have, as my obsessive nature means I want to have a better sense of total inventory before I undergo the task of determining which drawer will house blankets vs. onesies vs. burp cloths. My mom and I picked out fabric for the curtains and the cushions on the glider rocker (the rocker belonged to my sister and the cushions were blue, so we're recovering them in a neutral fabric) and while she is holding the cushions hostage for fear the dogs will destroy them, she assures me they look great.

My goal is to get all of the items crossed off our to-do list before it gets warm, so I can enjoy the time before Ferris arrives without worrying about whether the guest room is ready, if the kitchen cabinets have been reorganized enough times (the answer is always a resounding NO), if the railings on the porch need fresh paint, and if this house is as baby-ready as it can possibly be.

23w5d

Ferris is now joining the ranks as the second member of our family to be packing on the weight. At just over a pound, we're entering the stage of rapid growth - about 6 ounces each week. I'm in the sixth month, which marks the last stage of the second trimester - where has the time gone? At times, I feel like June will never arrive...and then other times leave me struggling with how quickly this is happening and I'm struck by the notion that June will be here before I know it.

As Ferris gets stronger, I can feel the kicks and turns more often and with increasing strength. At times I can even see the twitches in my stomach as tiny feet and fists push against me. Ferris is most active after meals and at night as I lay in bed, and it's become a routine for me to place my hands on either side of my belly to await the rhythm of soft thumps.

23w2d

22w4d

A few of the things I've learned so far about being pregnant:

• The burps that result from Omega-3 Fish Oil capsules are of the devil.
• Forgetting your dogs' names is acceptable. Forgetting your husband's is not.
• I miss balance. That is all.
• It only takes a matter of months to master the act of getting up 5 times a night to pee without ever opening your eyes.
• Babies R Us is a scary place. Also, they should have a bathroom in each corner of the store.
• Watching other people drink is boring.
• Girlfriends and sisters know more than any book, period.
• A hungry woman in a grocery store can be dangerous. A hungry pregnant woman in a grocery store is a recipe for disaster.
• When a dumbass stranger at the mall comments that you look like you're having twins, and you aren't, you will forever regret not saying anything in response.
• Despite the fear of labor that will strike you consistently throughout these nine months, this baby does have to come out - so you better deal with it.
• Having a husband that endures the mood swings, whims, and cravings is a gift from God.
• Even if you think the constant nausea will never end, it will.
• Unsolicited advice comes from everywhere.
• Laughing until you cry and crying until you laugh is wholly interchangeable.
• Watching birthing shows on TLC and Discovery is a bad, bad idea.
• Naming your unborn child is much harder than you'd think.
• After the first time you feel your baby kick, your life will never be the same.