19w

As I stepped from the shower this morning, it dawned on me that I've been pregnant for 19 weeks - almost halfway through. I marvel at how different things are now, how much my perspective has been altered as I've progressed through this pregnancy. I think of most things with a different intensity, a far more advanced attention to details and items which previously would likely have escaped me.

This current tendency to delve deep into everyday matters (read: overthink) ranges from the utterly absurd to the amazingly serious....from how it will be if I try to come sit and write in the coffee shop down the street, as I'm doing now, to how it will be if we are faced with a child that experiences any challenges or difficulties. I try to reign in the panic and fear of the unknown and focus instead of the amazing road ahead, treating the unknowns as though they are tiny little surprises waiting to be discovered.

I want so many things for our child and for our family, things that can be influenced by me and things that I will have absolutely no control over, however much I may try. I want our child to grow accustomed to hearing the laughter that constantly rings throughout our house. I want to instill in this tiny little being the notion that we have endless amounts of love and friendship and respect for each other, and that we do anything and everything we can to ensure happiness on every level imaginable. I want this baby tater to feel protected and safe from any of the potentially scary things our world may bring, while maintaining an innocence and absense of irrational fears.

In essence, I want to provide a life that is balanced and even and a semblance of being perfect even when true perfection cannot be found. I want to teach patience in the midst of frustration, adoration in the presence of flaws, strength in the existence of obstacles, and love in the places where an absence of it exists. I want it all....and I believe it can be found, since all of these things are things that have been provided to me in the span of the relationship I've had with my husband.