11w6d

Yesterday's doctor's appointment resulted in yet another milestone for us - we got to hear the heartbeat. I was anxious, having had a nightmare the night before in which the heartbeat couldn't be found - but the instant my doctor placed the doppler on my stomach, the rapid beat could be heard. I had a feeling it would be overwhelming, but I was truly not prepared for the emotion that hit me the second I heard the sound of our baby's heart beating. Somehow, it makes this all feel very real - more than it has so far.

In the time immediately following a checkup, I am enveloped by a feeling of calm and a sense of ease, knowing that we've been given good results and that things are progressing as they should be. As the next appointment approaches, I typically begin to experience increased nerves and an advanced level of anxiety about what's to come.

Our next appointment is scheduled for the first week of January, and I have hopes that the holidays will serve as a sort of distraction. That checkup includes the option for the triple screen - which would give us an indicator as to whether or not the baby could have any abnormalities. It's not a definitive test, but rather a determination regarding potential risk. We discussed it last night, and after a rather quick conversation we decided not to do the test. There are several sides to my opinion on the matter, but in the end, it came down to this - if our child has any sort of abnormality, it's not going to change anything in my mind. This is our baby, and we'll play with whatever hand we are dealt. Yes, we could prepare ourselves in that instance, but I'd prefer to not spend 6 months knowing there may nor may not be something wrong if a test came back with results on that end of the spectrum.

It dawns on me that this is the first of what will be many choices we must make regarding our baby, and I'm appreciative that we can discuss things and share in these decisions together. We will always do the best we can to choose the right path for our family. I understand that our choices may not be in line with what others feel, and we are potentially opening ourselves up to be judged for what we do or don't do - but the most important thing we can do is maintain confidence in our decisions and solidarity with one another.