11w4d

When I quit my job 4 months ago, I just knew it would be the best decision of my life. I had lost the passion behind what I was doing, and it was wearing me down to dedicate time to something that brought me no true fulfillment at the end of the day. I was filled with notions of taking some time off, lending the opportunity to figure out what I really wanted to do - and in my mind, it would be so easy.

Fast forward to where I'm sitting now - in a completely different situation than what I imagined, trying to adjust and failing miserably on some days. I feel so isolated and removed from the world I used to know, lonely from the lack of constant human interaction and inept at my lack of contribution. There is no one calling me to ask me a question, no one depending on me to get the job done, and no paycheck being deposited into my bank account.

On the flip side (because of course there's a flip side), how can I feel inept when I'm contributing to our family? How can I think there is no one depending on me right now? I'm in the process of something I can't even fathom, something that is so surreal to me and so amazing, and while it's not the "something new" I thought I'd end up finding when I left my job, it is most certainly something new.

I am of the opinion that everything happens for a reason - even if we may not recognize it at the time. I got pregnant at a time when I was attempting to change my life by embarking on a new career - and I can't ignore the irony lying beneath that statement. There is a part of me that wishes I'd figured out the career part first, but that's neither here nor there at this point - because this is where I'm heading, and it's going to be the best job I've ever had.