12w4d

I have a confession to make: I never thought I'd be a mother.

Sure, when I was little, I'd play with dolls and pretend to be their mommy...and always just assumed I'd have kids - because that's what you do, right? It wasn't until I became an adult and really started to consider the issue that I realized I probably wouldn't experience motherhood. I just didn't see it for myself. I love kids, always have, but the thought of having my own just sort of...baffled me.

Obviously, that has all changed - but the most interesting part to me is why it changed. After my first date with my husband, I knew he would be the father of my children. Even more importantly, I wanted him to be. As we continued dating, eventually moving in together, buying our house together, and getting married, I saw more and more reasons that we were meant to have a family.

First and foremost, he's going to be an amazing father. He's patient, and funny, and fun-loving...he's honest and brilliant and he's experienced some amazing things in his life - things that just beg to be shared with a child. He's strong, both physically and emotionally. He loves his family, his friends and his career. He has the ability to enter a room and change the dynamic within it immediately. He's supportive and warm and loving and brave....and everything he possesses is what I want our child to possess.

Beyond that, though, it's what he's done to me and for me that makes me know I'm meant to be a mother. He taught me how to love. He showed me that I take myself too seriously, and it's ok to let go sometimes. He has made me a more patient person (and continues to do so every day). He thinks I'm beautiful, even when I know I am far from it. He spoils me and seems happy to do it. He listens to me talk in circles, and he helps me make sense of myself. He makes me want to be better at everything I do, yet he has helped me to accept that if I'm not perfect, it's not the end of the world.

Maybe this is how it happens for everyone - maybe it's always the process of meeting that person to help us understand our purpose in life. Maybe not - but for me, I didn't know who or what I was supposed to be until he came into my world and turned it upside down.